I shared my favorite quotes of all time.
Now, I’d like to share some of the funniest quotes I’ve read.
So, put a big smile on your face and get your read on.
Oh wait, grab a cup of joe, or tea…or carrot juice first. Then read.
Like the first, you can also print a beautiful copy out and hang it close by.
When feeling a little down, read every one, and just see if it doesn’t help.
Enjoy.
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper.
Then I look at the obituary page.
If my name is not on it, I get up.”
~ Benjamin Franklin
“A man who carries a cat by the tail
learns something he can learn in no other way.”
~ Mark Twain
“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.”
~ Mark Twain
“All generalizations are false, including this one.”
~ Mark Twain
“Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly,
don’t tell them where they know the fish.”
~ Mark Twain
“Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell the name will carry.”
~ Bill Cosby
“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.”
~ P. J. O’Rourke
“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”
~ Steven Wright
“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”
~ George Carlin
“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”
~ Albert Einstein
“I don’t have a bank account because
I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.”
~ Paula Poundstone
“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.
I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
they are always locking three.”
~ Elayne Boosler
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”
~ Groucho Marx
“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.”
~ Emo Philips
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
~ Jay Leno
“There’s nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys
at the right time and the instrument plays itself.”
~ Johann Sebastian Bach
“I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,
including:* Both of your socks should always be the same color*
Or they should at least both be fairly dark.”
~ Dave Barry
“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have
a disease named after me.”
~ Steve Martin
Now here’s mine:
“I’m guaranteed to have a good time wherever I go, as long as I’m there.”
~ Rob Adelphia 🙂
I hope you had a good laugh or a great big smile. Smile more by sharing it with someone. Make this day a bit more special by making someone else’s day special.
Click here to download the little eBook: Humorous Quotes to Encourage You
Today really does have power. But, only if you want it to.
Live it LOUD!
Rob
