19 Funny Quotes That Will Tickle Your Innards

I shared my favorite quotes of all time.

Now, I’d like to share some of the funniest quotes I’ve read.

Epic ClownSo, put a big smile on your face and get your read on.

Oh wait, grab a cup of joe, or tea…or carrot juice first. Then read.

Like the first, you can also print a beautiful copy out and hang it close by.

When feeling a little down, read every one, and just see if it doesn’t help.

Enjoy.

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper.
Then I look at the obituary page.
If my name is not on it, I get up.”

~ Benjamin Franklin

“A man who carries a cat by the tail
learns something he can learn in no other way.”

~ Mark Twain

“Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.”

~ Mark Twain

“All generalizations are false, including this one.”

~ Mark Twain

“Don’t tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly,
don’t tell them where they know the fish.”

~ Mark Twain

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel,
so that when you yell the name will carry.”

~ Bill Cosby

“Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.”

~ P. J. O’Rourke

“Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.”

~ Steven Wright

“Weather forecast for tonight: dark.”

~ George Carlin

“When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”

~ Albert Einstein

“I don’t have a bank account because
I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.”

~ Paula Poundstone

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one.
I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks,
they are always locking three.”

~ Elayne Boosler

“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.”

~ Groucho Marx

“I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.”

~ Emo Philips

“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like
‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”

~ Jay Leno

“There’s nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys
at the right time and the instrument plays itself.”

~ Johann Sebastian Bach

“I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion Rules,
including:* Both of your socks should always be the same color*
Or they should at least both be fairly dark.”

~ Dave Barry

“First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have
a disease named after me.”

~ Steve Martin

Now here’s mine:

“I’m guaranteed to have a good time wherever I go, as long as I’m there.”

~ Rob Adelphia 🙂

I hope you had a good laugh or a great big smile. Smile more by sharing it with someone. Make this day a bit more special by making someone else’s day special.

Click here to download the little eBook: Humorous Quotes to Encourage You

Today really does have power. But, only if you want it to.

Live it LOUD!

Rob

Look How Hard He Works!

 

This entry was posted in Laughter as a Motivator, Motivation and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

15 Responses to 19 Funny Quotes That Will Tickle Your Innards

  1. Hey Rob,
    Great quotes and they really made me laugh. God I miss George Carlin. That guy was a genius telling it like it is in a comedic way.
    Justin | Mazzastick recently posted..How To Live The Best Life PossibleMy Profile

    • Rob says:

      Hey Justin,

      One does not have to appreciate everything about a person in order to appreciate their gifts. Carlin was a comedic genius. Samuel Langhorne Clemens was a witty fellow also.
      Thanks Justin.

  2. Annie Andre says:

    My favorite or at least the one that made me laugh the most is

    “When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second.
    When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.”

    ~ Albert Einstein
    Annie Andre recently posted..A Twitter Virgins Story: How I Went From Twitter Hell To Twitter HeavenMy Profile

    • Rob says:

      Hey Annie,

      I’ve seen that one by Einstein. It is funny. We all need to remember that life is fun. There aren’t any rules against smiling, laughing and doubling-over.
      See you soon Annie.

      Keep Living it LOUD!

  3. Chris Barba says:

    HA!

    Great little compilation here Rob!

    “Tonight’s weather…dark”

    I bookmarked a couple of these quotes into my collection. I especially like your own. I think we’re scared to quote ourselves, but insight and knowledge is limitless.

    I muttered this to my sister a couple of years ago, “Think twice before thinking a third time.” …I think the delivery aided in its effectiveness

    • Rob says:

      Hey Chris,

      Love yours. Must have been a good laugh. I think I’ll put it into action:) Your right about insight and knowledge, no matter where it comes from.

      Live it LOUD!

  4. Hajra says:

    This guy named Rob does have the best quotes! Doesn’t he? 😉
    Hajra recently posted..Why You SHOULD Be Lazy!My Profile

  5. I’m a fan of quotes, specially the funny ones. Thanks for sharing Rob.
    Vitaly Tennant recently posted..The Nature of SoulMy Profile

  6. Hi Rob,

    I did have a good laugh. But I like that they have a good substance in it. 😉

  7. Baezid says:

    Hey Rob,
    Your site is awesome.It’s fun.I have request to you.I want “I’m guaranteed to have a good time wherever I go, as long as I’m there.”
    ~ Rob Adelphia
    This quote for my site.Can i take it??

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge